You know the sentence what always starts with what if? What if I had taken this road? What if I had done this? What if I had tried harder? The phrases that remind you that it could have been better. I will explain this more because what if is not positive as you think it is.
What if I had done it better?
What if, are the words you often use after a situation has occurred that you are not happy with. Then the thought often comes to mind, what if I had done it differently than this? Then this would not have happened. What if I had done that? It would have turned out differently.
The conscious what if?
It is very important that you must be aware before a situation takes place. So that you do not end up in a position where you think; what if I had done it differently. But because you are unfortunately not always aware, situations often arise in which you think what if I had it done differently?
The point is you cannot go back in time to change the situation. This often causes feelings of guilt and often can cause intense problems. Problems can arise on both personal and social levels. Personal problems can make you feel very bad and become buried with feelings of guilt.
Personal problems often make you feel like you cannot go out. You want to go back in time, but you cannot. You want to correct mistakes and the idea that you cannot do it gives you a feeling that you cannot breathe and an insecure feeling. In this way, I can continue to name unwanted thoughts and emotions that occur of this kind of thoughts. The point is you cannot go back to reverse the decisions you have made.
Some people see these decisions as a mistake, and some see them as learning moments. The point is that the decisions you have made have already been made and if you do not agree with them afterward you cannot change them.
What if and what now?
What you can do is to observe your mistake or learning moment so you can understand what has caused or triggered the situation. It may sound simple while is not simple at all. You will have to go through pain to understand the reason for your choice.
I will write a few points that can help you to observe the situation.
- What did I feel at the very moment before I made that choice? Did I feel anger? Did I feel misunderstood? Maybe not heard, unhappy or sad?
- What was the conversation that took place beforehand?
- What was the situation before it took place?
- Was I in a sort of conflict with someone?
There are many questions you can ask yourself to understand the reason for your choice. In this way you observe yourself from a third person, so you can not make the same choice easily again. I am not saying that you will be able to make all the next choices perfectly, but you will learn more to become aware before you decide.
Always strive to become the best version of yourself. Every day you learn from the choices you have made. Although we cannot reverse our choices, we can learn to make better choices. If you find it difficult to understand some points. I am here to help you do not hesitate to ask. Shakira Consulting is here to help you.